The longest title EVER but I have trouble thinking so I can’t make it any better. One other reason I haven’t blogged much in the past 2 years (besides the working and babies and lack of free time) is that I would only be whining about my health and how bad it is and all the doctors I’ve seen, one of which told me to chew gum. I don’t want to be a whiner. I am a whiner. I know that. I don’t want to be a WORSE whiner. But I’ve figured it out and I am mostly just angry right now. I know why I’m ill and crazy.
It started with an ear infection but after that was treated my ears still buzzed. I went to four doctors, including an ENT, who said their was nothing wrong and no fluid in my ears and the ENT told me to chew gum which only made my jaw all creaky. The dentist said to stop doing that.
Then I got pregnant again completely accidentally on an IUD that didn’t exist. And I chalked all the weird head shit up to pregnancy. Well, I had him in December and since then all this weirdness has gotten so bad that I’ve gone to the ER twice and my family doctor and gotten prescriptions for everything from pain meds to Atavan. I think the ER dr. thinks I’m crazy and having panic attacks even though I told him I’m a therapist and although I’m stressed I know what a panic attack looks like.
And then I found this wonderful post: Does anyone peri have this weird head feeling? on a gardening site and it is EXACTLY WHAT I FEEL LIKE so much that near the end of the comments I started crying, which is also something I do a lot these days. I was probably in perimenopause when I was pregnant and crying over Grey’s Anatomy, but now I cry over episodes of LOST I’ve already seen.
Yes, when I move my head it feels like my brain shifts and my eyes take a while to catch up. The top of my head hums and feels like it’s being electrically shocked. Noise makes it worse. My blood pressure has always been incredibly low but now spikes up to 165/89. The doctors don’t even mention that. I feel like I might fall forward at any moment, like the floor is squishy when I walk on it. I have so much trouble processing thoughts. And I do feel anxiety about these things happening to me every day, sometimes all day long. It’s not really vertigo or being dizzy. It’s different. I’m off balance.
Most sites don’t list ALL the symptoms of menopause. This one at Healthline is the best. It would seem that instead of hot flashes I have weird head shit.
WHY DON’T DOCTORS KNOW THIS?
They did a catscan and MRI on my brain!!!!!!!!!! They told me nothing was wrong with me. I thought I was going to die. I thought I had lost my mind, which I think I have, but the buzzing is too loud to know for sure. Do they think I’m too young???? I’m 43. It starts now and it goes on for 10 years and there’s no cure.
I gave up coffee yesterday and that just made me crabby. And I gave up wine for a day and I just felt depressed. I got some exercise jumping off playground equipment and now I ache all over. I’m just going to have to live like this and read that site every once in a while to remind myself that I’m not alone and that getting older SUCKS ASS.
If you see a woman in her early 40’s who is anxious and depressed and losing her mind, please be kind.
And oh, by the way, I’m still fertile as HELL.