My BOYS will not be potty trained ever.

I have come to accept that I will spend the rest of my life cleaning up bodily fluids.

The 5 year old is so obsessed with not having a red butt from wiping poorly that every time he poops he comes out of the bathroom and finds someone to bend over in front of so they can examine his ******* to see if there’s any poop on it.  Strangers, dogs, his own Grandpa.

The 3 1/2 year old has spent this week peeing wherever he happens to be standing.  This might be okay on the lawn sometimes, but then he continued to do this in the house.  He pulled down his underwear and peed on the doormat.  He peed in the kitchen.  He peed on a blanket he had put on the floor while I was in the bathroom.  He stood in the bathtub and peed on the floor when he was taking a bath.  He just loves to see what he can pee on.

Then this morning he made it to the toilet and  I thought we were all good, until he came out complaining that he had peed on his shirt and pants.  I stripped him down and went to find a washcloth to wipe him off with so that he wouldn’t stink in this 80 degree 95 percent humidity.  He squatted down to pick up a car and pooped on the floor.  It looked like a giant Hershey’s kiss.

My husband has mentioned with an eager look on his face that he wants to stay home with the boys.  I’ll bet he would freak out if he saw a giant poop kiss on the floor, a naked baby, and random puddles of pee everywhere.  Does he realize staying home means a load of laundry a day just to keep the house from smelling like boy pee?  No, he sees himself playing Mario and doing “projects.”  This is why he has to work and I handle my own job and kiss poops when I am “not working.”

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