My Oldest Child found a cure for LICE and joined the BLUE MAN GROUP.

MOM!  I HAVE LICE AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO!

Did I shake my head, roll my eyes, give a tragic laugh?  I won’t say what I did because I’m still in the running for Mother of the Year.  The poor little 19 year old day care worker is accident prone and was voted most likely to be struck by lightening.  Lice was not so shocking given that some of the day care kids had been sent home with it two weeks before.  Another day in the life of Haley.

I had just gotten out of an hour long massage and was enjoying how my shoulders were not hunched up around my ears and how my jaw hung low instead of clenching.  Now was not the time to talk about lice.

I called her when I got home as I was walking next door to get the babies.  Go buy some lice treatment Girl.

I have no money MOM.

The last thing I’m going to do is give her more money.  I’ve given her money for a car after parts of hers rusted off.  I’ve given her clothesline, socks from my underwear drawers, my shoes, maternity stretchy pants, car repairs, more car repairs, a laptop.  Right now I’m poorer than she is.  I should ask her for gas money.

I had to feed two hungry babies so I told her to figure it out.  Just two days ago she told me I wasn’t her family and that she was never speaking to me again.

Next thing I know she’s on the lawn.

YOU CAN’T COME IN MY HOUSE.  DON’T TOUCH THE CAT.  CAN CATS GET LICE?  STAY RIGHT THERE.

I always have tea tree oil and I’m pretty sure it can cure anything so I did a quick google search and poured some into a baby food jar and gave it to her along with instructions.  Seemed pretty easy.

Next thing I know she’s at the door again with what looks like a shirt wrapped around her head and blue dripping behind her ears and down her neck.  She doesn’t smell like tea tree oil.

Can I come in and use a hair dryer?  My boss called and I have to go to work.

DID YOU USE THE TEA TREE OIL?

Yes, I did. Can I dry my hair?

YOU CAN’T COME IN MY HOUSE.  I handed the hair dryer out without opening the door farther than I had to.

She went to look for an outlet outside and came back.

I didn’t realize I’d have to dry my hair in a BUSH, MOM.

I sent her around to the basement.  Lice can’t survive alone in a basement, can they?

A couple of minutes later I looked out the window to see her headed to her car.  ALL of her hair was blue.  Her skin was dyed blue down her neck and below her collar.

That’s my child.  She takes a small disaster, asks for help, ignores the instructions, and makes a bigger BLUER disaster out of it.  In a few days she’ll realize she should have just done what I told her to do in the first place.  And I will still be shaking my head in wonder, with my shoulders hunched up to my ears and my jaw clenched.

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