Don’t put Laminate Flooring in your KITCHEN; Embracing the Inner Ghetto Queen, This House might be CURSED.

We bought a new refrigerator for the house.  We had to as my parents moved theirs to their new house.  So we bought a nice stainless steel, ice in the door, freezer on the bottom, GOD of a refrigerator.  I feel in love the first time I saw it in the Sears showroom. Little did I know it should have included a new kitchen floor.

Someone hooked it up to the old water intake hose.  Which happened to have a hole in the middle of it.  Which leaked underneath the kitchen floor because the trim was never done and with laminate flooring there’s a gap at the edges for it to “float.”  The water pooled under the floor because the original linoleum was still there and after two weeks got deep enough to soak into the laminate and start to warp it.  By the time I found one piece lifting up it was too late to do anything other than tear it all up and throw it over the deck with a rather satisfying bang.  It was smelly with two week old water in 90 degree heat.  GAH.

Now my floor is 1980’s linoleum that has yellowed with age.  I cried for a few minutes as I was mopping up the smelly swamp.  But now I’m embracing the ghetto side of me that loves linoleum, especially yellowed linoleum that smells like a old trailer and has many holes in it that pucker up from Nick trying to drill through from below to let the water escape, right before we decided to amputate the entire floor.

One water leak and laminate ends up in a smelly pile on the lawn.

I realize that this is not a funny post, but I think my house might be cursed.  No access to high speed internet.  Cell phones that only use if you walk around holding it above your head, and now a beautiful refrigerator in the middle of a floor meant for a ghetto queen.


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