I am writing this resignation email to all of you, Jessica-style, because I hate it when people just disappear and I don’t know why they decided to leave or where they went.
I have been offered a better opportunity and must leave this dream job in order to become a chicken farmer in Vermont. I feel it’s time to start moving up the ladder and this job change will allow for more personal growth opportunities, not that I haven’t enjoyed spending time with all of you and getting to know you on so many levels. It is just time for a change in focus and from now on my focus will be on the size of my chicken breasts.
I thank you for all the memories you have given me that I won’t remember because I’m old and menopause makes me forgetful. But thank you anyway for the fodder for my writing endeavors after a decent amount of time has legally passed.
Although being Employee of the Year for 2012 was the pinnacle of my career, I feel there is nothing more I can do here and so I am moving on to greener pastures.
And Jud, happy birthday. I bequeath you my Good For One Drink at the Silver Dollar token. Come get it.