Words of Wisdom from a Drunk Guy: How to deal with the empty nest.

Nick dragged me out last night.  I’m down to crying every couple of hours and I feel like I do when my heart gets broken, even though she’s not dead, she’s just driving through Pennsylvania and texts me that she’s in Missouri which makes me look like my parenting was bad and she has no idea where Missouri is.

I ordered a Black Russian.  The bartenders didn’t know what that was so they took a super big glass and filled it with vodka and kahlua.  It was a 12 shot 2 person drink that they charged me $4 for.  We stood there and looked at it in awe.  I just wanted one tiny drink before I had to go home early to go to bed early to roll over early and tell Nick it is his turn to get up with the baby who had really loud hiccups from playing hard at 6 a.m.

Halfway through this monsterous drink a short drunk man with a guitar asked if he could lay the guitar in my lap so he would play without falling over.  Of course I let him.  And then he said the WORDS OF WISDOM that made it feel like destiny that I would agree to go out on New Year’s Eve.

I bought this guitar for three thousand seven hundred and slur-slur-slur dollars and my kids said why would you do that Dad?  And I said, CAUSE I CAN AFFORD IT SINCE YOU MOVED OUT.

He repeated this story twice more before his woman dragged him out of the bar and hopefully took him home and tucked him into bed.

And then a guy friend of my husband tried to hook up with this cute girl.  The interesting thing was that I got the inside scoop on what men think these days about dating and who makes the first move.  Less than ONE HOUR after he met her he was already talking as though she was moving into his house with her kids and how he wouldn’t like little kids running around.  And then she had given him her number but he was going to WAIT DAYS TO TEXT OR CALL HER.  Because he didn’t want to look desperate.

Where do they get this absurd behavior from?  TV?  The three day rule?  All I know is that I never gave a guy my real number.  And that if I did and he took three days to get in touch I would assume he had better things to do than to get to know me and I wouldn’t answer.

I talked him into texting her just his address and nothing more.  Brave.  Mysterious.  Manly.

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