I lost my mind. And that was about 10 hours ago so I’m still in the middle of wondering what I’m going to do now that I can’t wake her up to ask her stupid questions every half hour.
- I spent an hour cleaning the trash and boxes out of her room and realized that the child can’t pack worth beans and if I’m going to mail her boxes I might have to repack them because she saved every little bitty piece of paper she’s ever sneezed on.
- Then I shut myself in the laundry room and cried.
- I spent 20 minutes cleaning out under the entertainment center with a broom and found 15 cat toys and a pacifier. Good thing Jude hates pacifiers and since he was about 3 months old has thrown them across the room.
- Then I went down and hid in my bathroom and cried and then tried to look like I hadn’t been crying by splashing cold water on my face and then putting on some makeup which I immediately cried off.
- I bleached baby bottles, did 4 loads of her laundry, cleaned out her hamper and wiped it down so her sister could have it.
- Then I drank a lot of schnapps hoping it wouldn’t feel so bad but it still does.
- I cleaned out the hall closet and organized the tampons and pads and Qtips and hair ties and black nail polish and knitting needles and sheets.
- Then my eyes hurt so bad I took half a pain pill that was left from her oral surgery. Just cuz.
- I bleached out the sinks and did the dishes for the 20th time and wondered how much money I’ll save in food and toilet paper and electricity and gas.
- I looked for her Ipod in all the places I might have put it, because who knows what I might have done.
I miss that child. She kept me busy.