My New Title: Employee of the Year

I haven’t blogged much this year because

1)  Not much worth writing about

2)  The things I could write about people would get mad at me for

But TODAY I finally have something worth saying . . .  I am Employee of the Year!

It’s one of those big JOKES in my life, like having 3 teenage girls, or a baby at 41, or pulling my gut out to hang over the waist of my pants to show the girls what having babies will do to a person!

I could get a big EGO over my new title.  I could require people to bow their heads as I pass, or do my logs for me, or call me Master of the Universe like I used to demand of the kids.

Nah.  Instead I am going to make a short list of the reasons why this is so very WRONG and why I snicker every time I think about it.

  • I walk around explaining to coworkers how I am so not committed to this job that the only thing I did to decorate my office was to throw down a rug.
  • I didn’t paint the walls like everyone else does.
  • I haven’t moved to an outside office with a window.  I like my cave.  It says “She doesn’t really live here.”
  • I hung up my degree on a nail that was already there in a place behind my computer where no one can see it because I was too lazy to find a hammer.
  • I fixed the sign outside my door with a sharpie when the secretary got my degree wrong.
  • I cannot be lured into working full time, not even for the benefits.
  • I gloat about not doing on-call.
  • I negotiate taking new clients.
  • When the older people mention how long they’ve worked at this place I lower my voice to a whisper and say “Get out.  Get out now.”
  • I make lists about why I shouldn’t be Employee of the Year.

There’s no trophy this time, which is weird because there was one for Employee of the Month.  But there are Cody Bucks to spend somewhere downtown.

I should add the rather insignificant caveat that all Employee of the Month names were thrown in a hat and mine was pulled out of that hat.  I would like to think that it was destiny that my name was drawn.  A random act with a divine meaning.

And while I minimize my hard work I really need to say that my logs are always up to date.  My charts come back from Quality Assurance with no errors.  And the only thing I do wrong is one small error that my sidekick fixes for me every week, but I do believe the computer is to blame and might be messing with me.

Now I have to get back to my regular life.  Being a SUPERSTAR does not mean that I get out of cleaning up poop in my house.

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2 thoughts on “My New Title: Employee of the Year

  1. so that is how you treat your employer. that provides a check for your family. that sounds so inconsiderate. If you hate what you do then why do it……..

    • Well Arthur, if you read my blog more than once you would see that I have to find the humor in everything. And that I am a good employee. And that I do work incredibly hard. And that I love what I do.
      But I don’t claim my office as being mine forever.

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