How to Get Me to Buy You Ben and Jerry’s (or any other junk food), Pregnancy Week 19, and Why I Dream about Cheese

I shut down my laptop and was headed back to bed after eating a bowl of cereal, but then the thought of eating Spinach and Artichoke Hummus straight out of the container with a spoon and Blogging at the SAME  TIME sounded so gooooooood, that I came back.  The early morning nap can wait!

And yes, I am eating hummus with a spoon because I couldn’t find a single cracker or chip or carrot or anything other than my finger to use and I didn’t want to get hummus on my keyboard.  It’s not yet 8 a.m. and I am in hummus heaven.

I could be sitting here eating a giant bag of m&m’s but I finished that off last week and got kinda sick from doing it in two days by myself.  And I left the 10 pound bag of Swedish Fish sitting in my office so I would have something to look forward to next week.

The kids think I’m funny and easy to convince.  All they have to do is suggest Subway and I’ve got saliva coming out of the corners of my mouth.  Ben and Jerry’s and I’m in the frozen aisle at Walmart saying the names of flavors out loud and savoring the way they taste in my mouth.  Swedish Fish and I’m asking them to run ahead and get me the biggest bag they can find.  Homemade mac and cheese on a morning television show makes me close my eyes and imagine rolling in it.

They don’t even have to make sense to get me to buy them food, they just have to make me laugh and crave it, even if I can only watch them eat it.

EMILY:  Can I have Ben and Jerry’s mom?

ME:  Why?

EMILY:  I’m depressed.

ME:  So?

EMILY:  And I have no medication.

ME:  So what you’re saying is that I should buy you icecream to make you feel better and 20 years from now when you weight 484 pounds you can work through this in therapy and blame me for making that connection between feeling bad and eating.

EMILY:  Yes.

This argument worked for me.

Part of the problem is that I can’t eat most of the food due to IBS and my intolerance to dairy and other foods that I really didn’t think about missing until now.  Now cheese is on my mind like a constant obsession and the best I can do is keep feeding it Swedish Fish and hummus as a distraction.

Nick is going to come home today and ask where the hummus is and I’m going to have to lie.



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