“Do you use a neti pot?”
That’s the number one question people ask me when I walk around sounding like there’s no air coming in or out of my nose. And yes, I do. But it doesn’t work when there’s NO AIR FLOW. Last Friday, before work, I used the pot and all this bloody snot came out and then just kept coming. It was pretty horrifying. That’s when I bought a humidifier for my bedroom, which has cut down on the bloody part but not on the swollen sinuses.
They pop, crackle, squeeze tightly shut. I’m so freaking miserable. Then I remembered in the middle of the night last night. You know, that time when I should be sleeping but instead I’m having deep and unsilenceable thoughts about this and that and everything. I remembered that I had my other three children before I broke my face.
My left sinus to be exact. Years and years ago, when I was married to that (no good word to use here), I would have to literally sneak out if I wanted to go have any fun. I only did this a couple of times out of desperation. This particular time I went out with the person I call THE STRIPPER. This was a bad idea as she was an alcoholic and I had no tolerance at all. She bought shot after shot of Jack. I got home late and after drinking water, went to bed. I got up at noon the next day feeling hungover, but okay. Jumped in the shower. Started feeling sick. Thought of sitting down in the shower. Decided to get out and go back to bed. Lifted a foot to step out of the tup and woke up lying in a puddle of bright red blood that seemed to be coming out when of my mouth, but was actually my nose.
I went to the Walk In Clinic and threw up in a trash can. It felt funny to say “I tripped getting out of the shower, but I don’t remember anything.” They called me for several days afterward, trying to find out if he had done this, which oddly enough he hadn’t although he did think it was funny to tell everyone that he didn’t have to beat me as I did it to myself.
Since then when I sniff, my left nostril doesn’t move. I get sinus infections really easily. And now it is closed every day. They wanted to do a CAT Scan but I had no insurance and they would have rebroken my nose to set it. I wonder if I can still do it.
So that’s what I remembered, which has added to my misery.
On the brighter side of being pregnant and old, the girls and Nick have all felt the baby move.