I ran errands while Haley was having her wisdom teeth pulled, with her boyfriend Zach who came along to wipe bloody drool from her face on the two hour ride home. Zach and I ended up sitting alone with the waiting room across from these very obviously gay guys. The one on the right had an appointment to check out his broken cheekbone. The one on the left was his friend who was helping him fill out medical forms.
“Are you currently pregnant?”
“I don’t think I can get pregnant.” Imagine the most effeminate gay man responding along with hand gestures.
“Issues with your bowels?”
“I think my bowels are working just fine. Thank you.”
“How many drinks do you have in a year?”
“I meant a week.”
“There are hundreds of STD’s.” They mulled over this one with some weird sense of excitement. “I don’t have any STD’s that I know of, not syphilis, or herpes, or AIDS. None of those yucky things.”
Then they turned to us, as we were snickering and I was trying to read my book.
“Are you two a lesbian couple?” the one on the right asked.
Zach turned to me but didn’t know what to say.
“You need a haircut, I whispered.”
The two guys kept talking about the form. Then they turned to us.
“What are your names?” they asked.
I introduced myself and then Zach said “I’m Zach.”
“Oh my God, we’re so sorry. We thought you were a lesbian. But you’d make a great transgender.”
At this point one of the receptionists came out with a scowl on her face and asked if everything was okay because we were laughing so hard. I went in to the recovery room to see Haley and left Zach with the gay guys. The receptionist asked if I wanted Zach with me. “No, he’s just fine.”
And he’ll never forget the moment he was mistaken for a lesbian.