The Tragic Tale of the Worst Day Ever in the Life of a Mouse, How to feed a Boa Constrictor a Frozen Mouse, and Why I ran Screaming Into the House this Morning and I still Can’t Talk About it OUTLOUD

First let me introduce you to Monty, the boa constrictor, who is staying at our house until school starts.

No, wait, wrong picture!  That’s Haley’s boyfriend.  Who creeps me out almost as much as Monty. (JK, you know you’re okay in my book.)

No, that bug-eyed thing is not Monty either.  That’s my husband, who also creeps me out when he does that.

That’s Monty.  And that look on my face isn’t enjoyment.  It’s WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING HOLDING THIS REPTILE?

So here’s the story of horror, stickiness, and hairdrying mice.

We left Monty for two weeks to go on vacation and when we got back he hadn’t eaten for 3 weeks and had been refusing frozen mice heated in a cup of hot water.  (The science teacher gave us frozen mice.  I didn’t do it.)

So I tried something different and heated a mouse in a ziplock baggy in the sink, to keep it dry.  Then once it was soft I used a hair dryer on high to fluff up its fur, smooth out its whiskers, and give it that primped attractive mousey look that the boa loved because after being whapped in the face a few times he grabbed it and ate it feet first.  The worst moment of this scene that even I couldn’t step away from was watching the mouse’s little head slowly disappear into the snake’s mouth.

Now here’s the real tragedy:

Nick saw a mouse run across the back patio last night and set out spider traps, that sticky tape that I was got trapped in with both feet and Nick saved my life.  This morning he looked out and saw that he had caught the mouse.  So Haley and I ran back there with tongs and a ziplock bag to carry it in.  She tried to grab it by its tail, but it peed bright yellow scared shitless pee. I was holding the paper down with a garden tool.  She couldn’t get the tale unstuck.  The mouse was lying on its side completely stuck to the paper and I had to help scrape it off with a trowel.  We finally got the tail loose and she grabbed that with the tongs while I continued to scrape it off the paper.  We got as far as the front left foot which was stuck bent backwards, and his little face which I tried to pry off, but when he started bleeding we both screamed and ran away.

I don’t want to know how Nick got him off, but he brought him in and dropped him into the snake’s cage.

Monty immediately grabbed him and strangled him until his eyes were bugging out, much like Nick’s in the picture above.  Then the little mouse stopped breathing and Monty ate him head first.

Yes, those are his little mouse feet sticking out.  I’ll bet he never thought when he woke up in our garage this morning that this was going to happen to him today.


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