Family Vacation In Las Vegas: Not really family friendly. More the complete opposite.

It’s been almost a week since I got back.  Those two 15 hour drives finally caught up with me by Tuesday and all I wanted to do was lie down somewhere and sleep.  So here’s my Vegas Family Vacation Blog.

The trip down from Cody was pleasant enough.  Lots of scenery.  Stopping to visit two of the girls’ friends on the way.  HUGE thunderstorm in Salt Lake City that we could see on the way in.

Salt Lake City was much prettier than I thought it would be, at least the northern end.

We weathered the storm in a covered bridge.

We checked into Circus Circus as soon as we got to town.

Though not of course this big building.  The MOTOR LODGE hidden behind it.  The one with used condoms in the elevators, which were also the slowest elevators I had ever been in.

On to Fremont Street

Which was the most family friendly part of the trip.

Spiderman tried to kidnap Haley but dropped her when he realized she was quite happy to be kidnapped.

Nick went to get a drink and came back with this MONSTROSITY with extra rum.

Now it’s time to play WHERE’S OZZY?  And why is he stalking my daughter.

Nick’s rum gave him the courage to attack SPOCK, who seemed unconcerned.

And this is Nick later.

This was the girls’ favorite activity.

The best moment of the trip.  And I missed it.

BECAUSE

I ate breakfast at the Circus Circus Buffet and then had a turkey sandwich in the room and just as we walked in the Luxor to get our tickets to the Criss Angel show my stomach started gurgling and hurting and I RAN to the nearest bathroom and started sweating and feeling like passing out and soon had raging issues and didn’t know if I’d ever leave the bathroom without an ambulance and if I thought I could get onto an ambulance without having issues on the ride out I would have asked for one, but I was pretty much glued to the toilet for an hour, talking to one of the girls who was standing outside the stall door and having them get the tickets and hand me one, and go on in before the door closed for the show.

It’s a good thing I had lost my fear of making noises in public bathrooms during that flight last year, because there was no silencing what was going on.

At 6:56 I felt well enough to run through the casino and down to the theater, hand in my ticket and run to the bathroom inside.  I was most of the show, but paid more attention to the pain in my stomach.

The cramping and “issues” apparently were so severe that I became dyslexic and now write “was” instead of “saw”.  I did not think that my story about seeing Criss Angel would be more about surviving the show than about how cool it was.   It was a GOOD SHOW, in between trips to do my own little show in and out of the bathroom stall.

That was the WORST part of the trip.

This is a picture I took of the girls in front of the Luxor about ten minutes before I almost died in that stall.

Then after the show, I sucked it up and we walked all the way back along the Strip and I got to see

Batman

Paris

The Terry Fator billboard

The Bellagio

And Treasure Island.

The best part for me was taking pictures of sleeping children

and the scary puppet who moves around.

I learned a couple of things about Las Vegas:

  • It’s dirty.
  • There are cards of women all over the ground.
  • Taxi rides are expensive.
  • Food is expensive.  Cheap buffets ended when it became “Family Friendly” and the businesses noticed that families came to eat but not to gamble.
  • There are Family Friendly pathways through casinos and past strippers on tables.  But if you stop to stick a dollar in a machine they yell at you.
  • Everything is expensive.  Especially as a family.  There are no family prices.
  • Bring SNEAKERS.
  • Your hips will hurt the second day.
  • Everyone is trying to sell you something.  Usually some kind of porn.
  • The sound of all the machines gets really annoying really quickly.
  • There are no more free drinks while gambling.  Unless you sit at a bar.
  • What was in Vegas 10 years ago, NO LONGER EXISTS.
  • DO NOT FALL ASLEEP for 45 minutes on the ride home because SOMEONE will miss all the signs, billboards, and exits and travel 45 miles in the wrong direction, which kills all that excellent time you made doing 90 up Utah.  Being annoyed for days is not worth the nap.
  • It’s worth the trip just to come home and remember how nice it is to live in a small town.

Yes, it is.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s