Batter’s Tactics, Domestic Violence, and different forms of Abuse

Almost every day someone finds my blog while searching online for these things.  I’ve been meaning to post better lists, but my resources are at my office.  Except for today, when I remembered to bring some home, which means I’m fending off the dementia well at 40.

Domestic Violence is a pattern of abusive behavior including physical, emotional, and sexual abuse, as well as other controlling tactics, used by one person to maintain power and control over a current or former intimate partner. (From the Duluth Abuse Intervention Project)  It is not necessary a single event, but can be.  It is not self-defense.  One partner is always the one with power, and the other without.  The one without power feels afraid for their life, health, sanity, pets, children, or belongings.

Examples of Physical Abuse:

  • Not meeting the victim’s basic physical needs.
  • Spanks, chokes, hits, kicks, punches, bites
  • Pushes, shoves, squeezes, pinches, pulls, restrains, shakes
  • Throws objects, at victim or at something else
  • Repeated hitting
  • Leaves bruises
  • Use of objects as weapons, sledgehammer, full glass of rum, car, etc.
  • Abuse where medical treatment is needed
  • Burns, broken bones
  • Internal Injuries
  • Sleep deprivation
  • Disfiguring
  • Homicide

Emotional Abuse:

  • Put-downs of the victim’s abilities or efforts
  • Isolation
  • Questions victim’s sense of reality
  • Demand’s victim’s time and attention
  • Resentful of children
  • Specific jokes about victim’s behavior or faults
  • Insults
  • Ignoring the victim’s feelings
  • Yelling, name calling
  • Scaring friends and family away
  • Repeated humiliation
  • Blaming the victim
  • Not taking responsibility for own action and saying the victim is responsible instead
  • Threats of violence or retaliation
  • Tells victim about affairs
  • Denies previous actions or events
  • Lies
  • Jealousy and accusations
  • Destruction of property
  • Threatens to take the children
  • Threatens suicide
  • Abuses pets

Sexual Abuse:

  • Denies victim privacy
  • Jokes about women in general
  • Looks at women as sexual objects
  • Accuses her of affairs
  • Minimizes victim’s feelings and neeeds
  • Criticizes sexually
  • Unwanted touch
  • Sexual name calling
  • Demands sex
  • Wants sex all the time
  • Forcing victim to strip
  • Forced pregnancy of abortion
  • Promiscuity
  • Using threats and pressure to get sex
  • Forcing sex with others
  • Rape
  • Using objects to cause pain or injury during sex

Let’s call it what it is, shall we?  It’s not just a bad relationship.  No one deserves any of it.  Domestic Violence is a pattern of some or all of the above behaviors that are use to control a partner.  To degrade self esteem.  To make it impossible to leave.  And the most astounding part is that the batterer is the one with low self esteem and such a sense of worthlessness and insecurity that they don’t know any other way to keep someone around.

I have a list of warning signs for new relationships.  I’ll post it later, after work.  I was thinking this was an uncheery kind of  Holiday post, but the Holidays are usually the worst time of year.

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