- I went to the swim meet. Looked around for the lady I now call “New Jersey” because although I don’t watch Jersey Shore, if I did she would fit right in. Phew, I didn’t see her. But then THERE WAS HER BEHIND less than a foot in front of me! She was yelling at the relay kids from inside the spectator fence (yellow ribbon) at the end of the pool, which happened to be right in front of where I was sitting on the bottom of the bleachers. “Push her in now,” someone next to me said. But the kids she was yelling at to get ready for the race were pretty wild. Not that yelling at them was helping. Was she the relay “coach”? NO. She was the self-appointed yelling parent at the far end. I think the coaches gave her a job just to keep her busy. Good thing I had that rum before I showed up. But the sight of her ass will be forever burned on my retinas. Something about it being set up so perfectly to reach out and push her in just freaked me out and I couldn’t do it. I mean, how did she end up so close to me AND standing on the edge of the pool? It was like the DEVIL had given me a gift.
- How come everything in the house that I like BREAKS right before my birthday. My laptop, the Wii, the TOILET SEAT. Nick came into the kitchen and said “I know what else you can get for your birthday because it’s broken.” And a toilet seat came to mind, which is weird and very sad that that is what I would picture. But I was RIGHT. He did mean the toilet seat. SIGH.
- I am good with that though. I mean, I can’t be buying new stuff when the old stuff I use and LOVE needs to be fixed. I love my laptop. I love the Wii on days like this when I’m still dressed in the Christmas light pajamas Abrah gave me and an orange and green blanket. I can play Wii, call it exercise, and snack all day. And I LOVE the toilet seat. It keeps me from falling in and getting cold water on my ass.
- Yes, that was me, wearing my green and orange blanket and Christmas light pajamas when I drove my oldest child to school this morning. If you saw me at one of the red lights, I sometimes enjoy embarrassing my children. It has NOTHING to do with me being lazy or anything.
- My daughter has a nose ring, pink hair, and never ties her shoes and complains constantly that I’m too strict and “up her ass” all the time.
- I keep having EXCELLENT ideas for posts while I’m in the middle of doing something else and then forgetting what they were and I sit here in front of this screen knowing that I’m brilliant but completely unable to prove it. LOL.