How to ACCIDENTALLY push someone in a pool

I’ve been thinking about this all week.  If I push the annoying woman in the pool can she have me arrested for assault?  Will the rec center ban me from attending events?  Will everyone cheer?  Will I get a standing ovation?

It would be rude to push her in without telling her why first.  What should I say?  If you’re going to coach the team, why don’t you get closer so they can hear you?  Your voice makes all the muscles in my body clench?  What, are you from like New Jersey or something?  When I hear you speak I want to commit murder so just pushing you in will release enough of my anger so that I can control myself?

I could just be passive-agressive and spill something on her, trip her, start an argument with her next to the pool and back her up until she falls off the edge.

Obviously I’ve thought about this alot.  It’s easier to focus my frustration on some annoying person at the pool, instead of on the other things that annoy me this week.  I just wonder why, in all the years she’s been attending these events (and it has to have been a long time as she’s quite the expert in all things swimming) no one has EVER said anything.  Ooooh, maybe she’s the wife of the governor and I’ll be on the news!


One thought on “How to ACCIDENTALLY push someone in a pool

  1. lol okay maybe dont push her in the pool, shes definately a strange one. Maybe we should try pity her instead, why dont you try diagnose her next time she is in action run a little DMV on her see what you come up with. Or just get in first and start yelling and announcing that your the head coach and how your on the sellection committe for the olympic squad. Lol mind you then someone might push you in the pool!!

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