I’ve had a headache for three straight days, one of those light-sensitivity headaches with nausea. A migraine, only not so debilitating that I have to lie in bed in the dark crying for hours before it will go away. Just enough to be annoying and make me rub my forehead and moan once in a while.
Then tonight I woke up at about 2 a.m. and couldn’t fall asleep again. Everything that is causing me stress right now is going around and around in my head on a 2 minute replay. I guess I finally cracked even though I was trying to be strong. I should know better than to suppress anxiety. It only makes it worse.
This whole uninsured Emergency Room visit and surgery is the straw that broke the camel’s back. Is that how that saying goes? Poor camel. Poor me. I feel kindof hunched over and lumpy. The stress from learning a new job. The stress from feeling like I should load up my work schedule so quickly, when I don’t even know what I’m really doing at work yet, just to try to stay afloat on bills. Not even knowing what those bills are yet. Worrying about him being sick for days and wondering if he was going to die, and still worrying about him getting better. Not being able to go on any trips until his vehicle can go over 30 miles an hour again. Still paying for home improvements that were necessary, but I was hoping there would be more money coming in. Being triggered by some paperwork that really won’t change my life any, but is loosely associated with PTSD enough that I have nightmares. Feeling rushed all the time while I’m adjusting to this new job. Missing my old group where I could tell them what I’m stressed about and then I would feel better. All the new phone calls to set up appointments with new professionals for the kids and having to meet new people all the time and re-explain everything all over again. The toilet not flushing well. Losing my library book.
Well, hello purring kitten. Climb right up here and snuggle with me. I knew there was a reason I wanted you.
It’s good to talk about things, even it if it’s just to an anonymous internet audience. Who else would be up at 2:42 in the morning?