Sadly, I realized that it is almost time to change my relationship on Facebook.
There aren’t enough options to describe my relationships all at the same time. I cannot be in a relationship with Abrah and be married to Nick. It’s one or the other. And seeing as I’d have to explain my relationship with Abrah to every new person I meet out here at work or whatever, I should probably let that part of my life go. We all know it’s only real if it’s posted on Facebook. I’ll make you my sister although I know that’s not nearly enough to make up for dumping you. I’m so sorry Abrah.
I told her today, nine days ahead of time, so that she could prepare herself for the moment when she is once again “SINGLE”. But we can still be friends, Abrah. It’s not you, it’s ME. We’re just not in the right relationship status category. Someday you’ll meet someone else and still not be able to fit them into such narrow labels. Maybe it should just remain “complicated”.
And Nick, I know you didn’t ask me to do this. My relationship status is the one really important thing I can give you. Be kind to it.
Abrah, if you were here we could do a break-up ritual complete with Ben & Jerry’s and a bottle of wine, some kleenex and the burning of old memories. But I’d just end up hungover and gassy and ashes would be everywhere and the kitten would have strung the kleenex from the bathroom to the downstairs. Just know that when one Facebook status closes, another one opens. Because you can only have one at a time.
Sob, it’s just not fair that I have to make these huge decisions!