Toilet Paper Rationing

I think it’s important to talk about what happens when children fail to tell anyone that it’s the last role of toilet paper.  They take rolls out of the linen closet and believe that somehow magically more will appear.  As other things have always appeared.  Food, tampons, clean clothes, pens, tape.  They live in a world of neverending supplies.  Apparently.

Well, one day this all ends when Mom goes to the bathroom and discovers THERE’S NO TOILET PAPER in the house and she’s already gone and sitting on the toilet looking at an empty role.

She does a shake-dry and runs to the linen closet.  Nothing.

That’s when someone brings out the last role of the good stuff that the adults in the house had hidden to use when they really wanted a nice soft experience.  With three girls using enormous wads of the nice stuff, more than a roll a day, they had switched to the thin paper of Scott in the bathroom.  The girls stopped rolling it out 20 squares at a time, because it was no longer enjoyable to unroll into a pillowy mound on the floor, jump around in it, and then flush it down the toilet.

This last half a roll, that had been hidden for 2 months, now had to be rationed out for the night.  Four squares each.  Two for overnight emergencies.  Don’t steal your sister’s ration while she sleeps!  No, you don’t need more!  Four squares of this is too good for you!  They all thought it was funny and horrifying. 

Except for Mom, who went to use the toilet before going to bed.  After doing her business she looked over, saw an empty roll, and realized she hadn’t given herself a ration. 

This does not make Mom want to buy toilet paper for anyone else.  And that’s why she’s sitting here in her pajamas writing this post.  And the last of the nice roll is somewhere you’ll never find it!


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