I am waking up in the mornings early again, like 5:00, full of panic and anxiety. It’s like my brain keeps going in my sleep and keeps circling around the same issues. Issues like insurance and orthodontists, money and doctors, therapy, and prescriptions, setting up schools, and new buildings and meetings, secretaries, principals, and special education teams. Seven years of setting all of this up in Vermont and now I have to do it all over again. Paying bills and finding money to do it, phones that don’t work, back ground checks and references, clothes for the wedding, and sending invitations, broken down vehicles, and what to make for dinner.
I wake up gasping and all knotted up inside and there’s nothing really to be done in the middle of the night, and I have a partner to help me with it all. And I make lists every day that I get done. And none of that makes a difference while I’m asleep and unable to remind myself that it’s all okay.
And then it all seems insignificant two weeks before the big Sturis Bike Rally thingy when I’m at Kmart, looking for something they don’t have and there’s a shelf in the aisle with a sign “For Bikers’ Sensitive Needs” and I look down and it’s full of tampons.
I’m not even sure what to say to that. Can’t they go to the back wall of the health section with the rest of us? Besides, there’s nothing sensitive about a cardboard applicator.