Flatulence Etiquette

We all know my life revolves around GAS and trying to eat things that make me less gassy or at least timing my gassiness for those moments when I am alone or sitting next to one of my children.  I am like a gassy ninja, sneaking behind one of them so that if anyone smells it they’ll think it isn’t me, or waiting until the wind blows when I’m taking a walk so that it doesn’t waft around me like a toxic green cloud, timing my footsteps to cover the noise.

Living with someone else makes this all the more difficult.  So I was very entertained last night, when I was climbing the stairs from our room in the basement to go to the bathroom, and I heard a very loud long rumble.   He was not very ninja-like in waiting only until the second I left the room.  I would have waited until I heard the bathroom door shut, stood next to the wide open window and slowly let it out while waving a magazine, lit a candle, and practiced my best innocent look.

I mentioned this when I got back downstairs and then to soften his embarrassment I confessed that a couple of days ago when he found me lying on my bed with the door shut and said it smelled like Taco Bell and I had no idea what he was talking about–that was actually me enjoying a moment of privacy.

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One thought on “Flatulence Etiquette

  1. I can remember when my partner used to never ever let out a sly one near me. Now, we’ll be lying in bed, watching something and then I start to gag. The second I say ‘you smell’ I get a reply of ‘sorry’ or sulking.
    I just realised I don’t get anywhere near as gassy as I used to, think my food allergies are a bit better or I am sticking to the right foods.
    Back in the old days my brother and I would try to kill each other with chemical warfare… I never lived the girlie life

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