Remember that time I sent her a package?
Now I realize that most likely wasn’t the REAL Sandra Bullock. Not to say that the woman I sent that package to isn’t real. I’m sure she’s very real in her own nice little world. But she’s not the Sandra Bullock we all know and love. The squeeky clean Sandra who stars in movies and then comes to Vermont to serve muffins at her sister’s bakery.
I forget what exactly I mailed to her. It was a psychology textbook of some kind. Maybe it was Abnormal Behaviors of Celebrity Men with Tattoos. Maybe it was Sex Therapy: Quickies with Other Women. I do know that whatever it was didn’t help or she would have seen the signs.
Like don’t marry a bank robber, train robber, and murderer who is old enough to be your great great grandpa.
Whoa, the relationship expert on the morning news just totally blamed Sandra because of her Oscar Speech and how she said he was the first one she could trust to watch her back. So she has trust issues. And that caused this to happen. I’m SURE her trust issues caused him to chase after a tattoo model. Oh, and the expert also says that her higher celebrity status caused this. (Not to be sexist, she said.) Yes, that is sexist. Very very sexist. Oh, and also that not all relationships have to end because of infidelity. They had a very good relationship, the expert says. How the HELL does she know that? Yes, a great relationship that included 2 months of screwing a heavily tattooed woman. So if Sandra got therapy for her trust issues and took a job as a cleaning woman at a Motel 8 she could get him back and he would never stray again.
What was I saying before that “relationship expert” made an idiot of herself and all women?
Oh yes, Sandra, since you are a friend of mine because I mailed that book to someone with your name, I want to tell you that you deserve a NICE man. A man not named for an outlaw. A man who doesn’t have his own television show and hoards of skanky groupies. And no matter what the experts say on bad morning television this has nothing to do with your trust issues and everything to do with picking the wrong guy.