like when the mammogram lady only has green apples and a weird looking green and brown spotted pear left and you really just wanted the traditional orange.
or when you drive all the way to Walmart to buy black sequins to save your daughter from a Sequin Crisis, only to have her do anything BUT work on her sequins when you get home well after dinnertime and all you can find to eat is a banana because she ate your mammogram apple on the way to Walmart.
or when you’ve worked most of the day and then had to pick up someone or drop someone off in half hour intervals after work and before the mammogram and you are so intent on not forgetting who needs to go where that your cupholder gets stuck to the bottom of your travel mug and you end up driving around to everywhere you’ve been to see if you can see it in the dark on the ground, only to find it at home near the front door beside your boots.
or when one child is so stressed about homework that she’s not getting any of it done, but seems to have instead taken the time to turn into the Devil Incarnate, but then after you’ve taken charge thanks you for helping her in such a sincere way that you don’t end up calling an exorcist after all.
or when you were saving a gum ball for one child who missed the trip to the mall and absentmindedly forgot which child it was and offered it to a child who did go to the mall, who took it without thinking and then after it was in her mouth reminded you that it was for the other child, so you smacked her upside the head right outside the therapist’s office (in a loving way of course.)
The truth is that most days I feel guilty that I’m not DOING enough. I don’t work enough. I don’t clean enough. I don’t cheer my children on enough. But being the only adult every hour of every day for weeks and months and years is exhausting and every once in a while even the best and bravest single mother just wants to crawl into the closet, hide behind the box labeled “Small pants that I might fit into someday when the kids are gone and I have time to take care of myself” and cry herself to sleep.