44 Uses For Giant Salt Crystals

When I whine about the salt they throw on my doorstep every morning I am not just whining about nothing (check the Vermont Winters tab).  I took a picture of three of the enormous salt crystals to prove to you that sometimes whining is appropriate. 

But as I can appreciate that my whining could be annoying I am going to turn this into a positive experience by creating a list of 44 possible uses for the giant salt crystals that I’ve been collecting in my vacuum cleaner bag:

  1. As a weapon to deter the salt guy from leaving more
  2. Crushed to make 20 salted margaritas from one crystal
  3. Dissolved in water to use for gargling
  4. On dry chicken
  5. As a doorstop
  6. To hold down the rug near the down that always gets moved around
  7. In christmas cookie frosting
  8. On popcorn
  9. In my bath
  10. For grit in my toothpaste
  11. As a salt lick for days when I PSM
  12. Under the tires of my car in case I get stuck
  13. As a substitute for a diamond in that huge ring I never wanted
  14. Buried in the playground so kids find it in the summer and get all excited.
  15. Something I can throw at Haley (What’s she going to do?  Tell everyone I threw salt at her?)
  16. Flavoring my homemade chicken soup.
  17. To stop my car from rolling.
  18. To save Haley in a horror movie.
  19. To hold up to the light to see how pretty it is.
  20. To hold papers on the table from flying away.
  21. As weight in the back of my car.
  22. As a weight while I’m doing the Wii Fit.
  23. To trip up would-be robbers.
  24. To tape a sticker on it saying “Bush Sucks” to throw at Grandma.
  25. To prop up a chair leg.
  26. To sit on.
  27. To pound in tent stakes.
  28. As Mountain Lion Repellant.
  29. To scare off Haley’s boyfriends.
  30. Jesus needs a friend.
  31. To kill spiders.
  32. On eggs.
  33. Or giant pretzels.
  34. To end winter.
  35. As a gift for friends I don’t really like.
  36. To give to Grandpa so he’ll have something to talk about other than his glass eye and three hole outhouses.
  37. To sell as a souvenir to stupid tourists.
  38. To make little boys smell better.
  39. To soak up the ocean.
  40. To can meat.  Ewwww.
  41. To make waterlike appearances on paintings.
  42. As a gift for the friendly aliens.
  43. In a time capsule after global warming.
  44. As a life boat.
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