If I could Pick My Family

My family makes me crazy!!!!! And I love Abrah because hers does too!!! I mean, they make her crazy, not me. It’s been a day of Discoveries and Enlightenment. Here’s what I learned today:

· I was told that someone would trade their crazy aunt and uncle for me and maybe two racist grandparents as well. That’s 4 whole people!
. My pudge counts as another person in an odd game of trading family members.
· That the phrase “Blood is Thicker Than Water” is used by family members to guilt you into something.
· I would trade all my brothers for Abrah without hesitation.
· That my ex-husband is worth less than a pet rat.
· It is OKAY to not talk to family members who push their own issues onto me and my own little family.
· That saying “I told you so” after 6 years really feels GOOD.
· That extreme heat makes me unfunny and bitter sounding. I’m really just sweaty and sticking to myself, so don’t mind me. Just give me another cold drink.
· I can choose my own family members cause it is my UNIVERSE and that might be just the heat speaking, but what if it isn’t?

So I’ll be sending my next post from Jamaica with Abrah, Bill, and the girls, while everyone else I traded away can have a big non-family reunion in Island Pond. That sounds like a good place. And Joe can just hang out alone with my pudge and Abrah’s which would be like 80 pounds of jiggly fat. The pet rat can come to Jamaica with me cause rats are cute and probably won’t call me a crack whore.

But let’s get back to me being worth 2 crazy people and 2 racist people. My self-esteem is already higher!!! I don’t need therapy anymore!

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