I don’t eat potatoes chips. May as well just glue them to my ass (not a bad idea as the girls are always complaining that I have no ass) . So this weekend I opened a bag of BBQ chips, not for me, for the girls and their friend who was over and as I was grabbing a handful of chips for them and examining each one for quality–I found Jesus.
I ran into the living room shrieking “I found Jesus!” and they were all very amazed and saw Jesus too. I placed Jesus on my bookcase leaning against a photo frame and they keep forgetting where I put him and keep asking if he’s okay. “Where’s Jesus Mom?” “Right where I left him.” Then they remembered my musical carrot from a year ago and wondered where that ended up.
We were watching a movie and eating baby carrots and one fell on the floor. In my house we don’t have a 5 second rule because we don’t have pets and the floor hasn’t been licked clean. So I picked up the carrot and tossed it into the empty carrot bowl and it made 3 different notes as it bounced to the bottom.
We all listened in awe and I pronounced it “The Musical Carrot” and put it on the bookshelf until I found it three weeks later when it had turned into the “Dry and Wrinkly as An Old Man Carrot” and threw it out.
That will never happen to Jesus. I will watch over him until the day Jesus disappears and no one confesses to eating him, or he dries up and cracks. Maybe Jesus needs some moisture. Maybe I’ll lick him. It’s a good thing for you, Jesus, that I NEVER eat potato chips.
PS: I have been informed that this potato chip may also look like an alien with 3 eyes. While this may be a good metaphor for Jesus, I have added a diagram so that you can all see the TRUE Jesus. You must appreciate my artistic ability.