One week from Wednesday I’m flying to Nashville for the second part of a training I did in San Diego last year. I am not looking forward to this trip as it takes a great effort just to walk down the hall at home to the bathroom and back. I’ll be 30-31 weeks by then. This is my travel plan:
–If anyone even suggest the full body scan that they seem to always randomly choose me for, a simple glare should work. If not, offer to reveal my enormous belly in front of the entire airport and yell “Search This!”
–Take the aisle seat on all flights from people after threatening them by trying to squeeze past them to get to the bathroom.
–Pace on the plane, ask for extra snacks.
–Stop in every bathroom at the airport on the way to the next flight.
–In Nashville find benches, public restrooms, and shop as though I’m a normal size 10.
–At the 3 days of 10 hour trainings ask for a recliner, take short naps, eat constantly, have other people pick things up off the floor, claim being very emotional to get out of doing EMDR, accept all offers of help.
–Pretend to have labor pains often to scare the friend I’m going with.
–Take pictures of baby in Nashville so that his whole life I can tell him how much we used to travel before he was born.
–Text Nick once in a while to tell him I’m fine.
–Stay away from gassy provoking foods so as to not scare friend at night.
–Keep involuntary belching to a minimum.
–Take a poll of baby names to get a more world view.
