This morning I had to redo my boot laces because the wild rabbit had chewed one side off. The kitten who was hidden in a closet is now peeing on any piles of things he can find. Just once a day. Alex continues to bit my legs whenever he THINKS he’s hungry. And Lola has never gotten any friendlier, except to Nick. Instead of training them to be good housepets they have trained me to structure the household around them. Doors shut, baby gates, feeding times.
The daily ritual of taking care of someone other than myself, every day, no matter what my mood or the size of my growing uterus–this is what life is really about. It’s difficult to discuss my sometimes resentment toward this new baby with people I work with. It’s the difference between working full-time and my position as part-time on my own schedule. It’s not that I don’t like my work. I love it! I’m just not willing to do it 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. There are other things that are just as/or more valuable to me. Simple things. Cleaning my house. Watering my plants. Reading vampire novels, giving the rabbit a little freedom, shoving the cat in a litter box until he figures out where to go, nagging my children, organizing my husband’s TO-DO list, planning vacations, playing fetch with the cat and trying not to be pissed off at him.
I’m not worried about my “career” because my job is not my career anymore than my daughter’s bed is a good place to pee first thing in the morning. My career is finding balance in all things. So a baby is going to throw off the balance I have finally found and I’m not sure how to balance ONE MORE THING in any sane way.
Of course, I’ll be able to drink wine again so I might not care.
