Don’t put Laminate Flooring in your KITCHEN; Embracing the Inner Ghetto Queen, This House might be CURSED.

We bought a new refrigerator for the house.  We had to as my parents moved theirs to their new house.  So we bought a nice stainless steel, ice in the door, freezer on the bottom, GOD of a refrigerator.  I feel in love the first time I saw it in the Sears showroom. Little did I know it should have included a new kitchen floor.

Someone hooked it up to the old water intake hose.  Which happened to have a hole in the middle of it.  Which leaked underneath the kitchen floor because the trim was never done and with laminate flooring there’s a gap at the edges for it to “float.”  The water pooled under the floor because the original linoleum was still there and after two weeks got deep enough to soak into the laminate and start to warp it.  By the time I found one piece lifting up it was too late to do anything other than tear it all up and throw it over the deck with a rather satisfying bang.  It was smelly with two week old water in 90 degree heat.  GAH.

Now my floor is 1980’s linoleum that has yellowed with age.  I cried for a few minutes as I was mopping up the smelly swamp.  But now I’m embracing the ghetto side of me that loves linoleum, especially yellowed linoleum that smells like a old trailer and has many holes in it that pucker up from Nick trying to drill through from below to let the water escape, right before we decided to amputate the entire floor.

One water leak and laminate ends up in a smelly pile on the lawn.

I realize that this is not a funny post, but I think my house might be cursed.  No access to high speed internet.  Cell phones that only use if you walk around holding it above your head, and now a beautiful refrigerator in the middle of a floor meant for a ghetto queen.

How to Kick Your Parents Out

I never thought my parents would be houseguests in my house, at least not until they got old enough to need someone to care for them but since I bought the house I grew up in so they would have the money to build a new one they’ve been my houseguests.  And it’s time for them to move out on their own.

I’ve been trying to find the best way to tell them this:

I’ve decided it’s time for me to live independently?

I think I’ve done all I can do here?

Don’t you want to get away from all the crying babies and teenagers?

There comes a time in one’s life when a person needs to stop clinging to the apron strings?

Maybe I should do a Grey’s Anatomy on them.

Speaking of which, I DID NOT KNOW that I was buying a house where high speed internet was impossible.  Where cell reception is so bad that to send a text I have to wander around with my phone upside side above my head until I catch a ray of signal.  I DID NOT KNOW that Amazon Prime doesn’t work and I don’t mean instant streaming.  Of course that doesn’t work without internet.  No, I’m talking about 2 day shipping.  Doesn’t exist here.  In fact, here doesn’t even exist.  We are at this moment the only house in Wheelock that’s not actually in Wheelock.  The rest of Wheelock is way over there and we’re up a dirt road in Sheffield.  So to get a box delivered I have to try towns until it will take one.  And then hope something shows up.

That’s enough for today, but remind me to tell you about the rest of my life later.  Over coffee in the morning.

Never get a credit card from CHASE.

I used a chase card for 4 years and ran a lot of money through to help my credit and paid off my bill.  I even left a balance sometimes to make it look good.  Then I got a Discover card and decided to go with the 5% cash back plan.  I got a new Chase Card in the mail about 3 years ago and never activated it.  I should have closed the account, but I didn’t.

I switched over my yearly Sirius Radio billing when the radio stopped working and never thought another thing about CHASE.

In February, 2012 my credit score was 2 points from perfect.

UNTIL November 2013 when we bought a second car and I found out that my Chase card had a balance of $333 on it and they had closed the account and sent it to collections.  How had someone used my card if the activated one had expired?

I got in touch with Chase and they sent me to Erick Villamore, 866-932-9147 extension 15808.  I left him a dozen messages.  The extension always went straight to voicemail.  The number always went to voicemail if I didn’t punch in the extension.  Sometimes the number was even disconnected.  I got a letter saying to call him.  This wasn’t working.

I called customer service, who sent me EVERY STATEMENT I EVER HAD AT CHASE.  Another tree bites the dust.

Sirius had charged my yearly fee to a card without a correct expiration date.  I found out this is legal!  I got no statements from Chase, no emails, no phone calls.  They just let it go 6 months, added late fees upon late fees and then closed it.

Customer service put me through to Erick, who played a little game with me called let me put you on hold and pretend to talk to my supervisor.  No, they wouldn’t take off the late fees and let me pay the original balance.  No, they wouldn’t take this off my credit.  He seemed really confused about what I told him about never knowing there was a balance.  He finally said he’d have a different department call me.  No, they didn’t have a number where I could call them.

I got another letter with no name or contact information telling me they did a thorough investigation and the account balance is accurate.

At least the collections place they had sent it to offered to take 2/3 off!  For all the years I was a good customer there, it would have been a nice gesture to help me out by taking off the fees and fixing my credit, even just saying Paid in Full and closed.  I wouldn’t be writing this blog.

I’ve got nowhere really to go from here, except to say I’m not paying it and I may as well just wait for it to fall off.

Oh, and I contacted the 3 credit bureaus along the way, who also “investigated” it, back when I had no idea how there was any balance on the card as I had never activated it.  All 3 said the information was accurate, that I did OWN THE CARD.

I could spend thousands in lawyer’s fees clearing this all up but I think instead I’ll just say

DO NOT EVER GET A CHASE CREDIT CARD.

 

 

 

 

 

I miss my FORD FOCUS and I feel bad it was adopted by a possible serial killer.

I had to sell my car because it wasn’t worth dragging across country again and needed some repairs.  I was hoping it would go to a teenage friend of my daughters, but instead we sold it to some weirdo who asked Nick to bring it to his house and kidnapped him for two hours late at night when he was supposed to be giving the baby his final feeding, leaving me up and exhausted and wondering if he was ever coming back.

I admit I got pissed off that he was still gone and I was an hour past my bedtime.  And then when he got home we didn’t talk about it.  I handed him the baby and went to bed.  And then this morning we were too busy getting the house ready for it to be shown so we didn’t talk.  And then I just called him and he said he sent me an email explaining what happened.  Which really isn’t how I want to handle conflict, but now I’m glad he emailed this because I can post it:

“When I got to his house it took about 5 minutes for him to come out because his wife was being weird about the car. When Tom came out he was like let’s go! We drove the car down mountain view and he pulled into brewgards drive thru and got a six pack of beer. We then drove out to the airport and around beacon hill. Then he said want to see some property I found? He said its just a minute away. We drove to a place by 2AB and drove the car to the river where a house is that his cousin (a really rich guy) just bought. We left there and got back on the highway heading back towards town and he turned onto 2AB. I thought we were coming back to town bypassing the construction. Then just a bit up the road he said I want to show you what I’ve been working on. He is a lonely talkative guy. I said I need to get home. He said it will only be a minute. The place he took me to was a ranch that I worked on for a summer. He took me inside to show me his log restoration project. I was trying to go the whole time. He just talks too much. Then we left and drove back through the construction and back to his house by Travis’s. The whole time while we are driving through town, he was driving probably 15 MPH and I knew you were getting mad before then. I said come on! Drive faster, I need to get home. We went in and he was going to write the check and I was talking to his wife about the new cars she was interested in. Then he just talked and talked and his wife finally wrote the check and then I got him to drive me back to our house. I wasn’t wanting to be out that long at all. I thought it would take maybe an hour. I’m sorry.”

This cracks me up but also makes me wonder if the guy is a budding serial killer, if the check will be any good, and I really miss my lovely little car.  I am so tired today.  If the baby had eaten and gone to bed I might have been fine, but he was up for an extra half hour refusing to burp and farting really loudly.  That’s why I handed him to Nick and went to bed.

I feel like crap EVERY DAY because my thyroid is WHACKED.

So my good friend said it’s a thyroid imbalance that’s causing the weird head symptoms and signs of early menopause.  But once I start looking at symptoms I became so confused because there are hundreds and now I think I’m going to die.

And I know she’s right because I’m so hormonally imbalanced that I do feel like I’m leaving over like a V8 commercial all the time.  And I know it gets worse when I’m stressed because today, after spending an hour on the phone hunting down a chase bill that shouldn’t be the pressure in my head became unbearable and my ear plugged up and I started crying.

So I’m trying to fix this with herbs and such and this Love Your Thyroid back to health program.  The first step is cutting out caffeine completely.  I’m already saying WHY and HOW and my life sucks.  But ok.  I have felt like living like this is worse than being dead and wondering how long I can take it before I can’t take it anymore.  So no caffeine.  Day Zero.

Watch out for the CRAZY BITCH tomorrow.

The best reply at work to my Resignation Letter

Sorry to see you go but I understand the Chicken Farming opportunity. Go you!

I considered the same several years ago and would suggest a bit more research on your part. Although Vermont is a great area, income taxes are quite high there. Nebraska would be a better location. Also you should not restrict the type of poultry are you farming to just to chickens, turkeys fetch a better profit margin in some years. You should also consider expanding your product line as well. Many people eat chicken breasts but legs, thighs, gizzards, livers etc. are also enjoyed by many.

I personally enjoy chicken crown. This is a link to one of my favorites: http://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/2424/fragrant-crown-roast-of-chicken-with-sausage-rolls

Don’t pass up the opportunity to raise therapy chickens. http://www.care2.com/causes/chicken-therapy-a-new-way-to-help-alzheimers-patients.html

Boy do I hear you on the memory loss. I have witnessed many having that happen to them through the years. I am surprised your doctor has not discussed hormone therapy with you. Check out these links, it may help with your issues.

http://www.jurosmedical.com/Menopause/?gclid=CIzHnOn8v70CFVKDfgodnBYAMQ

http://www.health.harvard.edu/newsweek/Dealing_with_the_symptoms_of_menopause.htm

So long,

Gary

My resignation letter

I am writing this resignation email to all of you, Jessica-style, because I hate it when people just disappear and I don’t know why they decided to leave or where they went.

 

I have been offered a better opportunity and must leave this dream job in order to become a chicken farmer in Vermont. I feel it’s time to start moving up the ladder and this job change will allow for more personal growth opportunities, not that I haven’t enjoyed spending time with all of you and getting to know you on so many levels. It is just time for a change in focus and from now on my focus will be on the size of my chicken breasts.

 

I thank you for all the memories you have given me that I won’t remember because I’m old and menopause makes me forgetful. But thank you anyway for the fodder for my writing endeavors after a decent amount of time has legally passed.

 

Although being Employee of the Year for 2012 was the pinnacle of my career, I feel there is nothing more I can do here and so I am moving on to greener pastures.

 

And Jud, happy birthday. I bequeath you my Good For One Drink at the Silver Dollar token. Come get it.